Friday night looms before me, an indistinct evening of adrenaline and fear. The occasion? My first sparring class. The first time I will put on the protective gear and battle it out. Chest hit? One point. A hit to the head? Two points.
Although I have been itching to begin sparring, now that the moment is upon me, I am lost in a stomach-clenching, ice-cold fear. What if I am too slow, too out of shape, too weak? What if I let down my husband, who consistently places in the top of his sparring division at tournaments? What happens if I let down myself?
Then a voice whispers calmly, "You do fine. You're new at this. No one expects you to be perfect."
A second voice adds impatiently, "Oh, suck it up. Quit your whining and just go fight already."
Both voices are right; I need to focus on why I want to do this in the first place, which is simply that it looks like a challenge and appeals to my competitive nature. Sure, I don't like to lose. Who does? Yet I am going to have to take several head shots before I figure out how to stand tall. In the end, it will be worth it when I can finally place high in my own sparring tournament...no matter how many tournaments it takes.
I like how you take the risk of putting your thoughts and fears out there for everyone to see. Too often people act like they don't have such misgivings, when in reality, everyone does. The part where you think through how you could disappoint your husband is so sweet, and then worrying about yourself second goes to show what a wonderful spouse you are. On top of it all, I like the uplifting end, prepared for failures on the way to gaining success -- a very comforting, positive message.
ReplyDeleteYeah. You must be a litttle scared. But, I like the voices. Good Luck! You can punch the guy right in the head for 2 points!
ReplyDelete